Update: I wrote this post in 2017 before the birth of my first child. I came back to it today, August 2020, in my third trimester of my second child and am feeling the same sentiments. A different experience this pregnancy but the same process of “uncovering the hidden parts of my soul” is occurring.
As I near the nine month mark and prepare for the day I bring our son into the world, I have been reflecting about the spiritual journey of pregnancy.
While much of our lives can become consumed with the physical and material, I think we all know, deep down, that there are longings and desires within us that can’t be satisfied by anything material or physical in this world. And sometimes these longings and desires only become realized when we undergo significant changes in our lives.
I am a person who finds comfort in having a healthy level of control over my situation. Pregnancy was a project to me like any other in my life: I researched, I prepared, I planned. I did everything in my control to ensure I would be giving my unborn child everything he may need for his emotional and physical wellbeing.
Like most things in life, there is only so much we can control. There were some bumps along the road. There were difficult moments, both physically and emotionally. There was unexpected news. There were times when I felt completely out of control of my body and mind.
It’s within the intersection of our perception of control and the reality that life is often unpredictable that we can feel most connected to our spirit.
But there is also beauty in the unexpected. I am amazed at my body’s ability to grow and carry a child. I’ve always been a petite woman, and have struggled at times with self-doubt about my body’s strength and ability. But I’ve never felt so strong and trusting of my body as I have been watching it grow my baby – this love of my life.
As I prepare for the birth of our son, I am learning to surrender to the uncertainty of what may happen. I have never given birth before, and I don’t know what to expect with regards to how I will feel or how it will go. That can be scary. But if there is one thing I know, it’s that any experience – good or bad – can draw us deeper to our spiritual self and open our eyes to aspects of life that had otherwise been hidden.
I am grateful for the hidden things that this pregnancy journey has revealed about me and about this life. I am grateful it has turned my gaze towards things unseen and mysterious. And I look forward to all I will learn from the experience of bringing my child into the world.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18