David and I discussed having a second child last January 2020, the beginning of what would soon become the most peculiar year we had ever lived through. But not long after, doubts started creeping in about becoming a mom again. I recalled the labour of love during our first sleepless year of parenthood, and questioned whether it was the right time.
That January was one of the hardest months, mentally, for me. Things at work and in life felt heavy and intense. I was trying to give my best at work, managing the fast-paced, high demands of a full-time job on Bay Street, with the equally high demands of a raising a young family. I became increasingly burned out, discouraged, and restless. Was I ready to add another baby to our family and life?
I remember looking in the mirror one afternoon, feeling defeated. I wished I could be a more stoic mother. I wished I could snap out it, and pull myself out of this rut. I remember questioning God, asking why the weight of it all felt so heavy. Didn’t He promise He would make our burdens light?
“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God. I will praise him again – my Saviour and my God. Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you – even from distant…” Psalms 42
Later in February I noticed my period was late. I didn’t think much of it but decided to check to be sure. And there it was. Two faint blue stripes staring back at me, and me, staring back in disbelief. I was pregnant. Joy and gratitude for this gift of life filled me, but my excitement came tangled up in apprehension.
It didn’t matter. If only I knew that the baby I hold in my arms today was the baby we were always meant to have. If only I knew the walk of faith He would take us on in the months to come.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30
Becoming a mom again gave me the strength to heal from deep wounds, to forgive past hurts, and to grow more fully as a person. It renewed my confidence as a mother and wife, sharpened my resilience, and matured my marriage. It brought boundless joy into our home. I just couldn’t see it at the time.
If you are looking for post-partum resources, Women’s College has a free post-partum group counselling program. You can ask your heath care provider to refer you.
Additional Resources include: